Hillary Vows to Fight On So Long as Media Allows

by Jordan Zakarin

A night after a split decision in primaries in Kentucky and Oregon saw rival Barack Obama clinch a majority of pledged delegates in primary and caucus contests, Senator Hillary Clinton promised supporters at a rally in Florida on Wednesday that she would continue her campaign for the Democratic nomination for President “as long as the news media will let me”, despite the near mathematic impossibility of her winning the party’s nomination.

With Obama just 64 delegates away from 2,026, the number needed right now to officially end the nominating contest, Clinton’s chance to top the ballot for Democrats in November seem to be as minuscule as possible without actually being at zero. Despite the crippling reality, the New York Senator and former First Lady vowed to continue the fight until the media was finally finished propping up and legitimizing her candidacy in the interest of filling the 24-hour news cycle and boosting its ratings.

“Friends and fellow Democrats, it has been a long ride that we have taken together, fighting for an end to the war in Iraq and a new beginning for all hard working white Americans,” Clinton said. “While, for all intents and purposes, I should be dead and buried in this thing, given the results of the primaries and caucuses thus far, the broadcast journalists and pundits are obsessed with focusing on this whole woman vs. black man thing, giving the illusion that I’m still in the race far longer than what is logical and journalistically responsible. So hey, why not go with it?”

Clinton went on to explain her decision making process, and how, despite pleas from some advisers that she bow out, she opted to continue on the pundit’s free ride. “Believe me, I’ve nearly dropped out a bunch of times since March. But every time I do, I see Chris Matthews or Wolf Blitzer on television, talking with some ‘strategists’ about how maybe I could actually win this thing. Everyone likes to be flattered, so until they open up their eyes, I don’t mind hearing the good things.”

The only true hope Clinton holds is the slim-to-none possibility that DNC’s Credential Committee gives full seating to the delegates from Florida and Michigan, with none of votes cast for “other” being given to Obama. With the Illinois senator holding the advantage among supporters who would be involved in the committee’s decision, Clinton understands she’s fighting that battle in vain, as well.

“To be frank, I know it makes no difference. And it’s not like I’m doing this out of principle, either. There’s not much I’m gonna gain from defending the state parties from those two states, who to be honest with you, acted like assholes last winter,” she remarked. “Florida has always been a bunch of schmucks. Remember 2000? Yeah, like I really want to reward them after that clusterfuck. At this point, it’s all about being on TV, getting clips for my reel. Whenever the ride ends, that’s not up to me. Tell that Hardball guy to get over his boner for me, if you care about it so much.”

Asked to speculate when the media’s obsession may end, Clinton was hesitant to give the press any ideas, though she did say that “maybe this whole Ted Kennedy thing will take their attention, though we probably won’t hear much until he starts looking skinnier and weak. Hopefully the big guy can hold strong until the convention, at least.”

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2 responses to “Hillary Vows to Fight On So Long as Media Allows

  1. Pingback: Hillary Clinton Updates » Blog Archive » Hillary Vows to Fight On So Long as Media Allows

  2. goodtimepolitics

    Keeping fighting to the end Hillary we’re all behind you! 🙂
    http://goodtimepolitics.com/2008/05/21/hillary-threatens-dire-consequences/

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