Charlie Gibson’s Lapel Pin Endorses Obama

by Jordan Zakarin

The flag pin affixed patriotically to ABC Nightly News anchor Charlie Gibson’s lapel today announced its support for Democrat Barack Obama’s candidacy for President.

“I’m proud to endorse Senator Obama for President,” the pin said in a statement released by the campaign. “I firmly believe that Barack represents a true shift in American politics, and has the vision and gravitas to deal with the most pressing problems facing our country today.”

In a conversation with reporters Thursday afternoon, Gibson’s pin spoke briefly about its faith in Obama’s character and love for America before spending nearly two hours addressing the Illinois Democrat’s policy proposals and vision for the future.

“Senator Obama’s plan to rescue our economy probably tipped the scale in my decision,” the small, metalic knick knack, originally made in China, stated. “His proposal for middle class tax cuts, green collar jobs, financial market regulation, and fighting for fair trade that helps American workers — I’m sure everyone’s heard ad nauseum about these things, but they really did sway me.”

Gibson’s affirmation of his deep patriotism also gushed about Obama’s aggressive plan to fight global warming and the country’s energy crisis.

“Again, I’m probably beating a dead horse, because the media has been all over this, but allow me to tell the nation what they clearly already know, given the depth of coverage: his goals of reducing carbon emissions 80% by 2050, investing $150 billion in alternative energy, and deploying environmentally advantageous cellulosic ethanol — those show bold leadership on one of the most important issues of this campaign,” the pin continued. “But everyone already knew that.”

On a personal note, the pin said he felt Obama cared about trinkets like it, and had its best interests in mind. “Barack knows how hard we work, and how the rich and powerful get richer off our work while we continue to struggle. We’re sick and tired of having our voices silenced, by having the so-called misrepresent us in the halls of our democracy,” it said, before asking, “was that a bad word choice?”

Obama, when asked about the pin’s announcement in a campaign appearance in Pittsburgh, said he was proud to have the support of Gibson’s tiny jacket flag, though he displayed little enthusiasm for his latest endorsement and promised not to celebrate with any symbolically empty gestures. “I appreciate every one of the millions of Americans who have joined my coalition for change, but I’m just not going to wear my heart on my sleeve about it just because it’s politically expedient to do so.”

As of Friday, George Stephanopoulos’s guilt-by-tenuous-at-best-association was still undecided in who it will support in this contentious Democratic primary.

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